The Problems and Decisions

There is this state of mind when you can give your 100%. Some of us are early birds and other are night owls. The fact is – there is this 4 hours time everyday when whatever you do – you do it with 100%. What happens when a smart guy like us fuck it up? Imagine me – as a first person with following scenario.

The Condition!

I am happy I truly am. I am paid for what I produce and everything is going smoothly. To Maths guys – let us imagine that I am earning 80$ per day. I spend 60$ per day. I save 20$ per day. The expenditure involves everything from a meal to taxes which I would pay at the year end.

The Beginning

My mom is sick. I have to take care of her but at what cost? Let us assume that I give her one hour of my earning time. Now I have 70$ per day and this led to 10$ per day saving. If I am not thinking straight – I will spend more time in taking care of her. If I spend 3 hours, I am having -10% per day saving. That means, my net value is going negative each day. But I am fine with that – fuck money, I love my mom. Let me take care of her!

The First Ripple

In a week time, I am having trouble explaining my client why the result is not there. Client says – he is okay and I should take care of my mom. Why would he say no to this? He has lost over 700$ in a week time, I lost 70$. So he finds a new developer who can take on the work. Fuck client, I love my mom!

The Second Ripple

After a month, my mom is fine. I don’t have a client – who hates me by the way. He didn’t even write a linkedin recommendation. Now I have nothing to show for last 9 months work. I lost 9 months work because I decided to take care of my mom – wholeheartedly. I am net negative of 2650$ now – medical expense is 900$ + 70$ for 1 week + 21*80$ for 3 consecutive weeks.

The Third Ripple

I am angry all the time, cursing my life, cursing god why the heck my mom fell sick in the first place? – I am unable to find the client – it is fucking hard to get the right client! It is been 6 months time – I have nothing! I have started fighting with my family for every possible reason I get!

The Fourth Ripple

I am depressed! I like to be alone. All the flashy life I had is deprecating. Now I am thinking what did I do wrong? – Really what did I? More lonelier I get, more depressed I get (A spiral of its own)

The Realisation

My mom didn’t need my three hours. Did she? Did she ask me to give exactly three hours? Did she ask me to give those three hours when I could have worked for my client? What about those three hours – which I can spare easily? I was sad, I stopped working! Client had no choice but to go to a different guy. Who takes the looses now days? Stupid me! That was all you – right from the beginning!

The Conclusion

If you are lucky – you should be able to spot this spiral in its first stage. Loss of a client is probably the biggest loss. You can’t live without food! If you can’t buy the food, how will you feed your family? The crux is – Feed yourself first, then you can feed your family! In ancient age, the injured hunters were killed! The sick children were left behind! That is why they formed societies so that injured hunters can be take care of by the ones who are not hunting otherwise who will hunt? Children of one were children of whole village! – It is still are right?

The Problems and Decisions

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